Sunday, March 16, 2014

At a Loss

Every time that I try to think what I want to post, I become uninspired in the same breath. I truly wish I knew what was creatively wrong with me, because to know me is to know that I am only really good at things of a creative nature. Math is not my forte, never really enjoyed it... I was a C chemistry student, and at the time I never really wanted to concentrate on history or other subjects. That's right, my heart was in Art, English and Literature (and of course lunch if you couldn't tell).

Somewhere along the line I did pick up a few I.T. skills and pay my bills under the ruse that I am any good at it... and at the end of the day, I hold my own and I do get the job done.

My heart is in painting and writing though, so why can't I get to a place where I honestly throw myself into the creative side of me? I could claim depression, but people always want to come down on you for that saying you're being dramatic or playing the victim of your life or circumstances. However, the truth remains that I do feel down a lot and sometimes hopeless about my life taking a turn for the good after so  much bad has kind of happened in my life, and I can't help it... I'm not trying to stay sad about anything, and I do my best to keep rolling along with people and activities that help keep my mind off of things... a temporary happy-fix I guess you could say.

Those are band aids though, and I know it doesn't fix the root of the problem, I just don't know how else to live my life, and I can't find the inspiration to try and come back with a vengeance. I seem strong, and I think I am pretty strong to a certain extent, but I know I am not living my life to the full potential, and I am not getting any "bucket list" items accomplished... that's for certain.

Something's gotta give, besides me for a change.