Friday, August 1, 2014

Life of Others

You know what I like to do, just every once in a while? Just hit the "next blog" button at the top and see who I run across. Sometimes it is a lot of junk, or a blog that has long been inactive, or never even got off the ground. Every once in a while, though, I will click upon a blog that catches my attention, and I peruse the site for a few minutes, looking at photos and reading a little about them, and their experiences, and it makes me wonder if only for a few stolen moments, how it feels to wake up every day in their life. It's always an interesting thought.

Hope you all have a good weekend… that is, if anyone is reading. =)



Thursday, July 31, 2014

Letter to You, Love

Dear You,

So many little things stayed with me after you left. You, a single, solid man, must be missing pieces of yourself because I have them in my pockets, in my heart, on my walls. Do you not realize they are gone? Perhaps you don't know.

You showed me the lights around the windows of shops and told me what they were for, and now anytime I drive by one, your story plays out in my mind all over again, like a movie reel… I remember your words, and just being there in the car with you as you told me. I had never noticed them before.

The little fragments float around in everything that I do, landing on me at the most inopportune moments just like dust particles land, and cling to an object, sometimes undetectable until enough of them collect together and force you to clean them off. However, I can't clean these away… they're part of me now.

A scent, sensation, the ringing of that little laugh of yours--not the one you used as your 'public laugh', no… the one that nobody was supposed to know about, but it escaped in pure moments when something was truly funny to you, your organic and involuntary giggle. I like to think that I was responsible for at least a few of those.

It makes me smile to remember.

I think of things I did with you, and for you, and I kind of fantasize that you were merely afraid because it scared you that someone could be so good to you, and that you just feared falling too hard, so you left trying to save yourself, or feared that I would hurt YOU somehow,  not that I never meant anything to you at all. That thought is much too painful.

Yes, at the heart of this love letter, I just want to say I don't care which is true, I will still always love you. No matter where you go, who you are with or what you're doing, you'll still be onstage in my heart. You are, after all, a star.


Thursday, July 24, 2014

Another Thirsty Thursday

The week has passed off rather quickly, and I'm kind of proud of myself for writing two days in a row. That's not too bad for me as of late... I'm actually trying to get it in gear.

So I don't really know who's reading and who's not reading these days, I know blogging has kind of faded out for a lot of my original blog family at least, even though it appears that many other people around the world are still active and hard at the writing and blogging. I wish we all were still doing more writing on the blogs. When I first discovered blogging, I had such a ball sharing stories, writing, putting my thoughts out there. Writing really relaxes and helps us too, in my opinion. I guess a lot has happened to us all.

So, if anyone is reading this, whether you know me or not, take the time to give me a shout out in the comments below and say HELLO. I love making new connections, as well as hearing from the old. If you do choose to speak up, tell me a little about yourself, your life and if you have a blog, feel free to share the link to it with me.

The weekend is near, and I'm not sure what that holds for me but hopefully it will be something noteworthy, and maybe I can share it. More stories, thoughts and fun to come.


Just Me, Jax

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Getting Busy

Oh yeah, on a quick side note, I'm giving it a real effort to get back into my writing and painting. Wish me luck, and come read me often... if you feel like it.  Check out my burnt popcorn story below. Later dudes.

From the Bowels of Hell

It's Wednesday morning, a little bit past 8:00 a.m. Ok, so it's closer to 8:30 a.m., since I hit snooze one too many times, and I had to stop off at a nearby drive-thru Subway for my 3" Flatbread with Ham/Egg/Cheese and my large Unsweetened Iced Tea. I can't function without something to start my day. 

Nevertheless, as I swipe my security badge in the card-thingy-swiper, and open the door, the evil, dark-overlord, putrid and demonic stench of burned popcorn fills my olfactory system like a stray, desperate, homeless demon looking for a host body.

Instantly, I grimace... "For the love of all things Holy and Clean, who would even eat popcorn at 8 in the morning?!" I exclaim.
Nobody will admit to the dirty deed.

We continue to complain, and make up jokes and songs about bad popcorn and burning things in the microwave until well near lunchtime, as we realize that the stench still lives on, proudly irritating my sinuses, and making us all feel a bit nauseous. It's as if someone's been cremated. How can it last this long? Madness.

Oh yeah, and it's also Hump Day... as if that's going to make any difference in my day.

Hope all is well with you lot... and why am I acting British? =)

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be

Oftentimes I think about how much I want a changed life, and how little I actually try to make any effort to really change anything that makes me unhappy. So either I feel shackled to everything that binds me and weighs me down, or I actually enjoy Hell...

Monday, April 7, 2014

Who Knows?

Though I am basically fueled by music, it doesn't seem as though I talk much about it or write much about it. Of course my writing has been very scarce lately, that includes the blog, poetry, stories, lyrics etc. I just haven't done well in my creative endeavors for some time now. I am not giving up, I always continue to push forward.

As Furtheron happened to ask me in the comments of my last blog, "Have you tried Therapy....?" --Well, the answer to that is No. I probably could use some therapy, but I can't really afford it, and I am also great at self-analysis and can pretty much tell you all of the things that are wrong with me, so it is not an issue with awareness, I know I'm pretty scrambled and screwed-up, but I'm working on it. (shrugs)

However, I digress... this morning I had to go to work from my Mother's house instead of my own which added an extra 30 minutes to the trip, so I buried myself in music, taking my time, stopping for tea and getting engrossed in some Hendrix... it just felt like a Jimi Hendrix type of day, misty, raining and just bluesy. So I in my electric blues can "Hear my Train a'Comin" all the while I am tilted, on my Axis... Bold as Love... of course I am always Bold as Love, maybe even bolder.... Who Knows?

Who knows - Jimi Hendrix from Giacomo Squaquara on Vimeo.

They don't know,
like I know.
Do you know?
I don't know.
What my baby,
puttin' down.
What my baby,
puttin' down.
I just came back from,
Rockland County.
Just came back in town,
lookin' for my Sally.
Uh, have you seen her?
Have you seen her?
Talkin' 'bout my baby,
talkin' about my baby.
Just came in, just came in babe.
Just came in, just came in.
Spreadin' magic honey, all around,
she's got chains, attached to my head.
Talkin' about, talkin' about,
talkin' about my baby,
I don't know 'bout it.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

At a Loss

Every time that I try to think what I want to post, I become uninspired in the same breath. I truly wish I knew what was creatively wrong with me, because to know me is to know that I am only really good at things of a creative nature. Math is not my forte, never really enjoyed it... I was a C chemistry student, and at the time I never really wanted to concentrate on history or other subjects. That's right, my heart was in Art, English and Literature (and of course lunch if you couldn't tell).

Somewhere along the line I did pick up a few I.T. skills and pay my bills under the ruse that I am any good at it... and at the end of the day, I hold my own and I do get the job done.

My heart is in painting and writing though, so why can't I get to a place where I honestly throw myself into the creative side of me? I could claim depression, but people always want to come down on you for that saying you're being dramatic or playing the victim of your life or circumstances. However, the truth remains that I do feel down a lot and sometimes hopeless about my life taking a turn for the good after so  much bad has kind of happened in my life, and I can't help it... I'm not trying to stay sad about anything, and I do my best to keep rolling along with people and activities that help keep my mind off of things... a temporary happy-fix I guess you could say.

Those are band aids though, and I know it doesn't fix the root of the problem, I just don't know how else to live my life, and I can't find the inspiration to try and come back with a vengeance. I seem strong, and I think I am pretty strong to a certain extent, but I know I am not living my life to the full potential, and I am not getting any "bucket list" items accomplished... that's for certain.

Something's gotta give, besides me for a change.


Friday, January 17, 2014

Miss Communications

I started this fresh blog, back a while of course, thinking that it was going to inspire me to give it a go on blogging with a new-found energy. It just doesn't seem that I can stay consistent. My moods fluctuate so much, depending on what I feel that I'm going through that I skip long periods. I don't want to skip, I mean-I would love to write out every little feeling I have, but sometimes I just feel deflated like "why bother"? I know it helps us to write if only just to get it out even if nobody else reads it but I guess I just used to enjoy the old days when I had at least a bit of an audience... I could at least feel like I was packing a small club :)

Anyways, I have been trying to pep myself up to get some cool things going in the new year, but unfortunately since it flipped over to 2014 I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection slash sinus slash cold or whatever, and mostly lost my voice, and it still has not come back right. It's beginning to frustrate me greatly because I hate not being able to talk, and my voice sounds so bad. I guess it will come back around soon.

Work has been pretty busy, and I just guess I've been in a winter months, feeling-like-hibernating type of funk, and I hope it lifts soon. I've tried to go to the gym and get back moving, get all inspired, but I need a swift kick... it's easy for people to say what works, and what you have to do in order to get motivated to begin projects, regulate your exercise routine, make positive changes in your life, but when it comes down to the wire, it's just easier said than done.

I know I let stupid things get to me, but it's a challenge. I'll get there one day.

In the meantime, bear with me, and anyone out there listening... keep reading, emailing, commenting, I love knowing you're there, and you never know when your words or presence might inspire an old soul who needs any extra spark her tired heart can get.

Lots of love, and an official Happy New Year to you all...