Another Thirsty Thursday

The week has passed off rather quickly, and I'm kind of proud of myself for writing two days in a row. That's not too bad for me as of late... I'm actually trying to get it in gear.

So I don't really know who's reading and who's not reading these days, I know blogging has kind of faded out for a lot of my original blog family at least, even though it appears that many other people around the world are still active and hard at the writing and blogging. I wish we all were still doing more writing on the blogs. When I first discovered blogging, I had such a ball sharing stories, writing, putting my thoughts out there. Writing really relaxes and helps us too, in my opinion. I guess a lot has happened to us all.

So, if anyone is reading this, whether you know me or not, take the time to give me a shout out in the comments below and say HELLO. I love making new connections, as well as hearing from the old. If you do choose to speak up, tell me a little about yourself, your life and if you have a blog, feel free to share the link to it with me.

The weekend is near, and I'm not sure what that holds for me but hopefully it will be something noteworthy, and maybe I can share it. More stories, thoughts and fun to come.

Always,

Just Me, Jax

Getting Busy

Oh yeah, on a quick side note, I'm giving it a real effort to get back into my writing and painting. Wish me luck, and come read me often... if you feel like it.  Check out my burnt popcorn story below. Later dudes.

From the Bowels of Hell

It's Wednesday morning, a little bit past 8:00 a.m. Ok, so it's closer to 8:30 a.m., since I hit snooze one too many times, and I had to stop off at a nearby drive-thru Subway for my 3" Flatbread with Ham/Egg/Cheese and my large Unsweetened Iced Tea. I can't function without something to start my day. 

Nevertheless, as I swipe my security badge in the card-thingy-swiper, and open the door, the evil, dark-overlord, putrid and demonic stench of burned popcorn fills my olfactory system like a stray, desperate, homeless demon looking for a host body.

Instantly, I grimace... "For the love of all things Holy and Clean, who would even eat popcorn at 8 in the morning?!" I exclaim.
Nobody will admit to the dirty deed.

We continue to complain, and make up jokes and songs about bad popcorn and burning things in the microwave until well near lunchtime, as we realize that the stench still lives on, proudly irritating my sinuses, and making us all feel a bit nauseous. It's as if someone's been cremated. How can it last this long? Madness.

Oh yeah, and it's also Hump Day... as if that's going to make any difference in my day.

Hope all is well with you lot... and why am I acting British? =)

Hell Ain't a Bad Place to Be

Oftentimes I think about how much I want a changed life, and how little I actually try to make any effort to really change anything that makes me unhappy. So either I feel shackled to everything that binds me and weighs me down, or I actually enjoy Hell...

Who Knows?

Though I am basically fueled by music, it doesn't seem as though I talk much about it or write much about it. Of course my writing has been very scarce lately, that includes the blog, poetry, stories, lyrics etc. I just haven't done well in my creative endeavors for some time now. I am not giving up, I always continue to push forward.

As Furtheron happened to ask me in the comments of my last blog, "Have you tried Therapy....?" --Well, the answer to that is No. I probably could use some therapy, but I can't really afford it, and I am also great at self-analysis and can pretty much tell you all of the things that are wrong with me, so it is not an issue with awareness, I know I'm pretty scrambled and screwed-up, but I'm working on it. (shrugs)

However, I digress... this morning I had to go to work from my Mother's house instead of my own which added an extra 30 minutes to the trip, so I buried myself in music, taking my time, stopping for tea and getting engrossed in some Hendrix... it just felt like a Jimi Hendrix type of day, misty, raining and just bluesy. So I in my electric blues can "Hear my Train a'Comin" all the while I am tilted, on my Axis... Bold as Love... of course I am always Bold as Love, maybe even bolder.... Who Knows?



Who knows - Jimi Hendrix from Giacomo Squaquara on Vimeo.


They don't know,
like I know.
Do you know?
I don't know.
What my baby,
puttin' down.
What my baby,
puttin' down.
I just came back from,
Rockland County.
Just came back in town,
lookin' for my Sally.
Uh, have you seen her?
Have you seen her?
Talkin' 'bout my baby,
talkin' about my baby.
Just came in, just came in babe.
Just came in, just came in.
Spreadin' magic honey, all around,
she's got chains, attached to my head.
Talkin' about, talkin' about,
talkin' about my baby,
I don't know 'bout it.

At a Loss

Every time that I try to think what I want to post, I become uninspired in the same breath. I truly wish I knew what was creatively wrong with me, because to know me is to know that I am only really good at things of a creative nature. Math is not my forte, never really enjoyed it... I was a C chemistry student, and at the time I never really wanted to concentrate on history or other subjects. That's right, my heart was in Art, English and Literature (and of course lunch if you couldn't tell).

Somewhere along the line I did pick up a few I.T. skills and pay my bills under the ruse that I am any good at it... and at the end of the day, I hold my own and I do get the job done.

My heart is in painting and writing though, so why can't I get to a place where I honestly throw myself into the creative side of me? I could claim depression, but people always want to come down on you for that saying you're being dramatic or playing the victim of your life or circumstances. However, the truth remains that I do feel down a lot and sometimes hopeless about my life taking a turn for the good after so  much bad has kind of happened in my life, and I can't help it... I'm not trying to stay sad about anything, and I do my best to keep rolling along with people and activities that help keep my mind off of things... a temporary happy-fix I guess you could say.

Those are band aids though, and I know it doesn't fix the root of the problem, I just don't know how else to live my life, and I can't find the inspiration to try and come back with a vengeance. I seem strong, and I think I am pretty strong to a certain extent, but I know I am not living my life to the full potential, and I am not getting any "bucket list" items accomplished... that's for certain.

Something's gotta give, besides me for a change.

Jax

Miss Communications

I started this fresh blog, back a while of course, thinking that it was going to inspire me to give it a go on blogging with a new-found energy. It just doesn't seem that I can stay consistent. My moods fluctuate so much, depending on what I feel that I'm going through that I skip long periods. I don't want to skip, I mean-I would love to write out every little feeling I have, but sometimes I just feel deflated like "why bother"? I know it helps us to write if only just to get it out even if nobody else reads it but I guess I just used to enjoy the old days when I had at least a bit of an audience... I could at least feel like I was packing a small club :)

Anyways, I have been trying to pep myself up to get some cool things going in the new year, but unfortunately since it flipped over to 2014 I have been sick with an upper respiratory infection slash sinus slash cold or whatever, and mostly lost my voice, and it still has not come back right. It's beginning to frustrate me greatly because I hate not being able to talk, and my voice sounds so bad. I guess it will come back around soon.

Work has been pretty busy, and I just guess I've been in a winter months, feeling-like-hibernating type of funk, and I hope it lifts soon. I've tried to go to the gym and get back moving, get all inspired, but I need a swift kick... it's easy for people to say what works, and what you have to do in order to get motivated to begin projects, regulate your exercise routine, make positive changes in your life, but when it comes down to the wire, it's just easier said than done.

I know I let stupid things get to me, but it's a challenge. I'll get there one day.

In the meantime, bear with me, and anyone out there listening... keep reading, emailing, commenting, I love knowing you're there, and you never know when your words or presence might inspire an old soul who needs any extra spark her tired heart can get.

Lots of love, and an official Happy New Year to you all...

Jax

Christmas Rush

No frills today, just a quick check-in. It has been very hectic around the office and life in general, the holidays (as depressing as they are) happen to be upon us... we're in mid-swing and I just don't have much time to think on my writings. I have fantasies of living in New England or New York somewhere and living a comfortable life as a writer and a painter, every day is my own and I am smiling genuinely, sipping my coffee and feeling that magic in my spirit again that life is good. One of these days, maybe... one of these days. Well, happy holidays to you all... I'll try to write more as soon as the fog lifts.

I'm Alright

So the good news is that I'm feeling some better. I appreciate the comments and notes, they are always helpful and I enjoy reading some of the thoughts and experiences of my friends. So thank you.

Yes, I'm working on it, work in progress, and every day is a winding road with ups and downs and bumps, but the important part is to strive to get back up when we fall, give ourselves a break when we need it, cut ourselves some slack when we don't quite get it right and just know that it's all about the ride and the learning experience.

I don't feel much like a long post so I'll leave it at that for today, and just say... well, I'm alright.

Sour apple

I have truly been one disgruntled sourpuss for the better part of the last week, leading up to the holiday and still up until this current point. 

Truth of the matter is someone's behavior is really getting on my nerves. I had hoped for better. I had foolishly tried to entertain the thought that I somehow matter to this person but I'm not feeling that way at all. I wish this didn't affect my behavior or my mood so much but it does. 

That's really all I have to say today...

I'm trying to pick myself up and get out of this funk and change my thought patterns about it, but so far I am NOT having much luck.

I think I will vegetate in my bed all day and see if I can just recharge or brainwash myself.

This sucks.

Sincerely,

Granny Smith