Slack Time

So I skipped a significant chunk of time in posting. I never mean to, just had a very hectic work project and haven't had much time to think of writing like I would enjoy. Aside from the work project, straightening up some Financial junk and personal business, so no crying about my post delays. I am here, and if you love to read me, I always have plenty of past material and stories over on Deep in the Forrest (which I continue to miss, just because it was the first blog and the old days probably, and I seemed to have a lot of writing inspiration back then.

"So anyway, Jax, enough of that. We don't really care 'bout all the meaningless dribble. What's going on with you lately?"

Well, I kinda thought that's what I was briefing you on above, but aside from that I am just trying to have fun when I have time and enjoy visits with friends and family. Laughter is always top priority. Like… Laissez les bons temps rouler, s'il vous plaît!!!

Oh, I did have a weird medical occurrence (if you want to call it that), I was coughing forcefully, due to allergies, sinus infection etc I believe, and I felt a very weird "POP!!!" inside my lower left side area under the ribs, but right above the waist. So I was convinced I had a hernia for a second, then I was worried I might have fractured a rib. I have thought of going to the doctor but don't want to go if I don't have to. I'm stubborn. I seem to be a little better so, I'll play it by ear.

Anyroad, I have a lot of work I need to be finishing, but I wanted to stop in and brief you two or three people who are keeping up on Jax that all's pretty well, and I am still here. I won't go as long til the next post, and I will continue with writing and trying to stay on my creative flow.

It's good for me.

Until then, I'm still just me, Jax

There's No Place...

As I was just sitting here taking a breather after finishing all my tasks for this website launch, and now have just some down time to relax until it launches officially at midnight, I breathed a quick, thoughtful 'sigh', and thought, "I wanna go home."

No, not the end-all, be-all, last dying breath getting called "Home" sort of home, but back HOME, to the place in my heart that I will forever feel safe, loved and full of hope... a home that doesn't exist anymore, a home where my Mom and Dad were a team, and tucked me in for sweet dreams at night and I was comforted by my blanket of magical stars, where I dreamed through the night of amazing things to come.

So, I took my pants off, opened up the drawer my ex-husband left a bunch of underwear in and searched for a comfy pear of boxers to throw on so I could wind down and try to relax after almost working about 12 hours on website content. I picked through the various styles, and finally grabbed a white pair of sport boxer briefs and slid them on. As I did, I wondered if he ever thinks about coming home.

The two of us both made a lot of mistakes when it all went down, and everything changed... But I still felt like I was never given a chance to even think about saving our marriage. Because of things that happened, he wrote off all thought of any possibility of trying to save what we had, even though I'm more the forgiving type, I guess there are some things men can't forgive... or it was just an excuse, and he simply found the right exit door... which is o.k. It isn't that I have pined for a reconciliation, it's just that I feel a little bad sometimes that for me, there wasn't even a second thought, that because of the circumstances, no second chances, not for me... Everyone else gets them.

I don't talk about this much, but sometimes I just wonder if home ever crosses his mind or if he misses it like I do.  Not the same home of growing up, mind you, but the first 'Home' that we formed as a couple of 'soulmates', saying we couldn't imagine living life without one another and that we'd always be together, always look out for the other, be 'bears' together... It's just sad the way home crumbles to the ground sometimes, I guess it seems to be built on more flimsy foundations nowadays.

Hard not to feel the burn of something like that when you spend over a decade with a person... knowing them like the back of your hand. Well, thinking you know them, their feelings and what they want, until you realize that you must not have after all... That's just part of life... but what a waste.

Then we moved on, and we were left with a now-solid friendship, so much different but still something to be thankful for, especially because I feel quite unique and special given my apparent ability to forgive and love unconditionally.

When the roof was blown off of my marriage, out of cold selfishness on the part of another, I found another Home, but sadly it was a short-term lease on something I could never have, and I was on the 'streets' again.

Now I am trying to learn to build one on a solid foundation, one deep inside the fortress of my own heart. Trying to build it with the finest materials, and the heaviest stones and the most reliable roof. It's inside myself that my real home has always been, though we sometimes stray so far into the wild, the unknown or the dangerous places of the world that we don't recognize it at all when we finally arrive. It's big and empty, and so far I'm a terrible decorator, but I will get there... one day.

Still, when night falls and the cold winter air freezes the scent of so much love gone by, I can't help but long for Home, pieces of home, from every one I have known... One that I can truly call my own, maybe the one I have wished for a thousand times, or dare I say that one in my dreams (the one where I see his face)?

If I'm lucky, perhaps they're one in the same.

Whirlwind

Just a quick note, I am under some very heavy deadlines at work, and have been "Running around like a chicken with its head cut off" as the old country folk say. I have started a blog entry several times regarding some of my favorite bitchings about Memphis drivers, and just road rage and all in general, specific to things I have encountered on the road lately, and every time I try to work on it, I get pulled aside or have something going on. We have a project that is about to go live this next week, so I will try to finish or write more as soon as I can, but I'm just snowed under right now with the workload, and can't think straight. So hang in there and I will bring more of my excellent entertainment shortly.

Please stand by, as duty calls :)

Now very slowly… get off at this next exit.

Someone enjoys photoshopping mugshots… not too bad.

Hope all is well in the worlds of all my readers & favorite 'complainers'. Just thought I'd leave you with a couple funnies… Catch you on the flip-side  -Jax

Re-Tarded

As a quick funny for the day, I wanted to post my little creation. I'm sure most internet browsers have seen "Tard the Grumpy Cat" memes all over the place. Well I made my own today, my first original Tard. Enjoy, and also Happy Hump Day. Keep reading below, I wrote twice today… Lucky you! -Jax

Anti-WHAM! Tard (the Grumpy Cat)

Rap it up

Musically, I am one self-proclaimed EXTREMELY eclectic, awesome gal.

You might pick up my iPod and see anything from Billie Holliday or Perry Como, Louie Prima, etc to Pantera, 6 Feet Under, Morbid Angel, then down to a little Morris Day and the Time... oh wow, the range goes on.

While I love a good heavy groove when I am feeling angry, the same can go for Rap/Hip-Hop. No, I'm not feeling angry right now, maybe I should have said the word "Aggressive" instead.

Though I am so eclectic, and enjoy limitless artists and music, I tend to enjoy R&B and Hip-Hop more many days.

Now some of you oldies may remember a little thing they used to call "Mix Tapes", which were sometimes feebly thrown together tracks, some from the radio (with the DJ's annoying voice on the edges), and some pulled from other cassettes. Picking your favorite songs and filling up an entire tape (front and back) was a beloved activity, one I always felt I was 'putting my heart into'.

Sometimes, these mixes were just for me, sometimes they were for a targeted crush, some unsuspecting member of the male species who had momentarily earned my undying affection. This 'undying affection' usually lived for a few short weeks, on rare occasion, months until the next fish hooked my eye.

So my heart would be poured into each carefully selected song and blended as well as technology would allow, then either become part of my car's inventory, or decorated and presented to the poor, unfortunate victim du jour.

These days, I still have a huge fetish for creating mixes, though they are usually blended into an iPod playlist, or possibly still burned to a CD. Ever since I have gotten sprung on the iPod capability in my car, however, I can usually be found somewhere on a scenic Mississippi backroad, quite possibly during a romantically crimson sunset, with one of my 927 "different as night and day" tunes on shuffle and bumping it way past 11.

This applies to me and the rest of my crazy Clique too… Not particularly a Kanye fan, but I dig this groove.

Last Friday

Well, it is the official "last Friday" of the year, 2012. No that's not any big deal, I just felt like mentioning it, as I am sitting here, having an overpriced cup of Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha (like I need the additional sugar), and trying to wrap my head around everything I need to finalize before the weekend here at work.

Tuesday is New Years Day, which is a holiday, and I have taken Monday off so I could have a long, 4-day weekend without an interrupting day in between. So, that's something to look forward to, even though it still passes off way too quickly. Then we have one more holiday this month, and after that they are few and far between.

Hopefully, I can find some trouble to get into for New Year's Eve, and one of my nieces has already put a bid in to be my partner in crime (don't worry, I'm not contributing to any minors, she's 2 years younger than me). I also got a couple of invites on seeing a band or two. Wow, it seems like I was JUST out celebrating New Years Eve, and I can't believe it is upon us again. This year has flown by so friggin fast.

Other than that I have no real stories of interest, at the moment, but I'm trying to keep plugging away and writing a little here and there so as not to lose touch, and even if it's not much. (How 'Seuss' of me).

I will leave you with a good year-end song… Thank you "2012" for keeping me floating on the median, I can't say you've been my best year, but you certainly weren't the worst.

As far as 2013, since we've made it there (nearly), I can only hope it is better, no offense… It's truly time for my Magic and Joy to return full force.

I've taken enough, I'm ready for my rewards.

Santa's Bummed

Christmas is finally here and most of us are just glad it is nearly behind us. Been so busy taking care of family and work projects, but don't worry I am not quitting the blogging just had alot of AFK stuff going on...

I wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas & best wishes for the upcoming new year.  For all those who had their hearts set on an apocalyptic holiday, my condolences but chin up because someone will invent another one soon I'm sure!! ;)

Above all else, remember to be grateful for whatever you have and make the most of being here right now, because it's as Mr. Jim Morrison said, "The future is uncertain but the end is always near." I'm off to watch old Christmas movies, and snack, but maybe I will be back later with a good story.

Get Back!

Don't you hate when people talk your ear off about stuff and all you wanna say is "Look I've had the worst day, it's advisable for you to go away and leave me alone!! Get Back!!!"

Inspiration Point

Remembering back to all classes where I had to use my creativity, aside from maybe English Composition, it seemed like I would begin with an awesomely inspired idea, only to fizzle, lose my spark, and end up with great ideas, but unfinished projects.

The creativity is willing but the follow-through, weak.

In short, I would have a lot of good ideas, and just get lost and flounder along the way somewhere. Lose interest, find myself unable to concentrate on the task at hand, or just let it go on too long, and then become intimidated on going back and finishing the darn thing.

The same thing happens around the house, I get this wonderfully inspired lift of energy, and think of doing some major cleaning, or overhaul project that would make my life way easier, and then I either start, and wear myself out and don't return to the 'clean of the crime', or I just fizzle out and get interested in something else and don't get accomplished even CLOSE to what I had intended.

As far as being a "Quitter", no that's not me, as a person. I can take the punches and keep on fighting, I consider myself a strong person, just one of the world's worst procrastinators, maybe. This is not something I really view as one of my finer attributes, however, I do think being a procrastinator has its good points.

I read an article the other day from Slade Roberson about lack of motivation & the "flow" of things, how it's something we should embrace, because everything has a rhythm, and a purpose and we should relax into that and trust it, remembering that we also have times when we seem to 'effortlessly roll'.

He states, "Next time you have a day (a week, a month) where you panic about your lack of motivation or productivity, remember that there are also times when you effortlessly roll. Divine timings have space between them just like bad timings. Instances are openings — breaks — within infinite streams. 

Sometimes what you call “procrastination” is powerful intuition.

It’s okay to wait for the perfect time."

When I read the above passages from Mr. Roberson's inspirational article, I seemed to revel in it a bit too much, taking great pride in the fact that I was actually doing something all along that was of benefit to me rather than a hindrance, as society would have me believe. No, it is NOT a good thing, being a procrastinator… they insist that the 'Early bird catches the worm' and all...

Yes, I would say there's a limit, of course so that we don't take the advice above too far and just run with it, delaying when we need to make haste. Definitely we should try to take advantage of our bursts of energy and pep, because those are the signs, that's what they're meant for, to "push" us.

Still, I think there is a lot to be said for it… the sitting back and rolling with the flow. We know by our inner clocks and intuition when the time is right, and I think instinctually, we will 'strike while the iron is hot', so that's one more good reason not to stress ourselves out about things. We can only do so much in a day, so I believe accomplishing what we can and then laying down our worries at the end of said day is the best course of action, because things always seem to have a way of working out just fine!

The things that we have missed by doing so, are usually blessings in disguise.

Besides, the early bird may get the worm, but don't you realize it's always the LATER MOUSE that gets the cheese? =)

Bringing up the Rear

Oh how I love to write, and express myself poetically whenever possible. I can't guarantee that today. I'm trying to ensure I don't take too long between posts, so I don't lose my flow again (as some have not-so-subtly reminded me lol). I did create this new place for that reason, to try to get back in the swing of expressing my thoughts, as they came, even if they were a mere small blurb. What I mean I guess is that I wanted to ensure that I posted more regularly, and not to pressure myself into thinking that I had to write some perfected, well-thought-out tribute to literature, but that I could log in and enter a one-paragraph complaint if I so felt like it… just find a way to post without allowing my OCD to get out of hand, and just enjoying the ability to freely express myself.

Of course, a bit of "ME" is always going to be a part of anything I write, so it might be over-the-top, or OCD, but the point is I'm going to write what I feel, when I feel like it… and I don't really care if anyone thinks this, or that. I like it, that's what's important. It's also the way I live my life, more and more, everyday.

Well I will just interject a quick note about yesterday's "STEELERS" game, which I watched while visiting Mom. We lost, of course, to the Dallas Cow(girls), which was unpleasant. Depending on next week's game, we still may have a chance at being a wild card. I watched yesterday, but was not happy. It was a stressful game, going into overtime, and lost due to fumbles. Not a happy camper. The only funny point was once when Mom was sitting with me, and I quipped, "Football players have the cutest butts."

This notation seemed to disturb her, or possibly disgust her a little to which she responded, "Jackie!! That's awful! That's not something that seems like women should talk about." and I said, "MOM!! It's true, you don't think so? I mean basketball players, they're more tall and skinny and football players are more muscular and just seem to have cuter butts to me. I'm SORRY, but it's true, I don't see why that's bad to say?" To this, she just shook her head and continued to look less-than-impressed.

Can't help myself, since we were in the dorms at college, watching the football team practice out the window, I have marveled at these athletes admirably muscular Derrières.

I realize it seems like something that men pay more attention to, but for any man who is unaware, yes women are sizing up your tail-ends, make no mistake. That's right, she was really looking, it is not your imagination.

No, that's not always a good thing. Personally, I even evaluate the ones who are less-than-adequate, sagging, lacking or look like 'the family moved out' (as my Dad used to say). Of course I don't linger on those long, but I do place them in 'the bank' and mark them as something I don't wish to see again.

Though there are many others with great rear views around the globe, since we are still in Football season, I thought I would keep that example to wax poetic on the male work of art we affectionately refer to as 'Booty'. Don't worry, I haven't kept silent on this, I have verbalized this thought first-hand to members of the male persuasion who are football players. No Butts about it, they always enjoy the compliment.

So I will share with you, the "10 Sexiest Butts in the NFL"

(This is not necessarily my opinion, I have seen some that I would have chosen, but I think it's personal opinion, so keep that in mind, these are not chosen by me, but more widely-selected by the general public on average).

Enjoy!!!



I don't blame them for patting each other on the ass, seriously!! lol