Last Friday

Well, it is the official "last Friday" of the year, 2012. No that's not any big deal, I just felt like mentioning it, as I am sitting here, having an overpriced cup of Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha (like I need the additional sugar), and trying to wrap my head around everything I need to finalize before the weekend here at work.

Tuesday is New Years Day, which is a holiday, and I have taken Monday off so I could have a long, 4-day weekend without an interrupting day in between. So, that's something to look forward to, even though it still passes off way too quickly. Then we have one more holiday this month, and after that they are few and far between.

Hopefully, I can find some trouble to get into for New Year's Eve, and one of my nieces has already put a bid in to be my partner in crime (don't worry, I'm not contributing to any minors, she's 2 years younger than me). I also got a couple of invites on seeing a band or two. Wow, it seems like I was JUST out celebrating New Years Eve, and I can't believe it is upon us again. This year has flown by so friggin fast.

Other than that I have no real stories of interest, at the moment, but I'm trying to keep plugging away and writing a little here and there so as not to lose touch, and even if it's not much. (How 'Seuss' of me).

I will leave you with a good year-end song… Thank you "2012" for keeping me floating on the median, I can't say you've been my best year, but you certainly weren't the worst.

As far as 2013, since we've made it there (nearly), I can only hope it is better, no offense… It's truly time for my Magic and Joy to return full force.

I've taken enough, I'm ready for my rewards.

Santa's Bummed

Christmas is finally here and most of us are just glad it is nearly behind us. Been so busy taking care of family and work projects, but don't worry I am not quitting the blogging just had alot of AFK stuff going on...

I wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas & best wishes for the upcoming new year.  For all those who had their hearts set on an apocalyptic holiday, my condolences but chin up because someone will invent another one soon I'm sure!! ;)

Above all else, remember to be grateful for whatever you have and make the most of being here right now, because it's as Mr. Jim Morrison said, "The future is uncertain but the end is always near." I'm off to watch old Christmas movies, and snack, but maybe I will be back later with a good story.

Get Back!

Don't you hate when people talk your ear off about stuff and all you wanna say is "Look I've had the worst day, it's advisable for you to go away and leave me alone!! Get Back!!!"

Inspiration Point

Remembering back to all classes where I had to use my creativity, aside from maybe English Composition, it seemed like I would begin with an awesomely inspired idea, only to fizzle, lose my spark, and end up with great ideas, but unfinished projects.

The creativity is willing but the follow-through, weak.

In short, I would have a lot of good ideas, and just get lost and flounder along the way somewhere. Lose interest, find myself unable to concentrate on the task at hand, or just let it go on too long, and then become intimidated on going back and finishing the darn thing.

The same thing happens around the house, I get this wonderfully inspired lift of energy, and think of doing some major cleaning, or overhaul project that would make my life way easier, and then I either start, and wear myself out and don't return to the 'clean of the crime', or I just fizzle out and get interested in something else and don't get accomplished even CLOSE to what I had intended.

As far as being a "Quitter", no that's not me, as a person. I can take the punches and keep on fighting, I consider myself a strong person, just one of the world's worst procrastinators, maybe. This is not something I really view as one of my finer attributes, however, I do think being a procrastinator has its good points.

I read an article the other day from Slade Roberson about lack of motivation & the "flow" of things, how it's something we should embrace, because everything has a rhythm, and a purpose and we should relax into that and trust it, remembering that we also have times when we seem to 'effortlessly roll'.

He states, "Next time you have a day (a week, a month) where you panic about your lack of motivation or productivity, remember that there are also times when you effortlessly roll. Divine timings have space between them just like bad timings. Instances are openings — breaks — within infinite streams. 

Sometimes what you call “procrastination” is powerful intuition.

It’s okay to wait for the perfect time."

When I read the above passages from Mr. Roberson's inspirational article, I seemed to revel in it a bit too much, taking great pride in the fact that I was actually doing something all along that was of benefit to me rather than a hindrance, as society would have me believe. No, it is NOT a good thing, being a procrastinator… they insist that the 'Early bird catches the worm' and all...

Yes, I would say there's a limit, of course so that we don't take the advice above too far and just run with it, delaying when we need to make haste. Definitely we should try to take advantage of our bursts of energy and pep, because those are the signs, that's what they're meant for, to "push" us.

Still, I think there is a lot to be said for it… the sitting back and rolling with the flow. We know by our inner clocks and intuition when the time is right, and I think instinctually, we will 'strike while the iron is hot', so that's one more good reason not to stress ourselves out about things. We can only do so much in a day, so I believe accomplishing what we can and then laying down our worries at the end of said day is the best course of action, because things always seem to have a way of working out just fine!

The things that we have missed by doing so, are usually blessings in disguise.

Besides, the early bird may get the worm, but don't you realize it's always the LATER MOUSE that gets the cheese? =)

Bringing up the Rear

Oh how I love to write, and express myself poetically whenever possible. I can't guarantee that today. I'm trying to ensure I don't take too long between posts, so I don't lose my flow again (as some have not-so-subtly reminded me lol). I did create this new place for that reason, to try to get back in the swing of expressing my thoughts, as they came, even if they were a mere small blurb. What I mean I guess is that I wanted to ensure that I posted more regularly, and not to pressure myself into thinking that I had to write some perfected, well-thought-out tribute to literature, but that I could log in and enter a one-paragraph complaint if I so felt like it… just find a way to post without allowing my OCD to get out of hand, and just enjoying the ability to freely express myself.

Of course, a bit of "ME" is always going to be a part of anything I write, so it might be over-the-top, or OCD, but the point is I'm going to write what I feel, when I feel like it… and I don't really care if anyone thinks this, or that. I like it, that's what's important. It's also the way I live my life, more and more, everyday.

Well I will just interject a quick note about yesterday's "STEELERS" game, which I watched while visiting Mom. We lost, of course, to the Dallas Cow(girls), which was unpleasant. Depending on next week's game, we still may have a chance at being a wild card. I watched yesterday, but was not happy. It was a stressful game, going into overtime, and lost due to fumbles. Not a happy camper. The only funny point was once when Mom was sitting with me, and I quipped, "Football players have the cutest butts."

This notation seemed to disturb her, or possibly disgust her a little to which she responded, "Jackie!! That's awful! That's not something that seems like women should talk about." and I said, "MOM!! It's true, you don't think so? I mean basketball players, they're more tall and skinny and football players are more muscular and just seem to have cuter butts to me. I'm SORRY, but it's true, I don't see why that's bad to say?" To this, she just shook her head and continued to look less-than-impressed.

Can't help myself, since we were in the dorms at college, watching the football team practice out the window, I have marveled at these athletes admirably muscular Derrières.

I realize it seems like something that men pay more attention to, but for any man who is unaware, yes women are sizing up your tail-ends, make no mistake. That's right, she was really looking, it is not your imagination.

No, that's not always a good thing. Personally, I even evaluate the ones who are less-than-adequate, sagging, lacking or look like 'the family moved out' (as my Dad used to say). Of course I don't linger on those long, but I do place them in 'the bank' and mark them as something I don't wish to see again.

Though there are many others with great rear views around the globe, since we are still in Football season, I thought I would keep that example to wax poetic on the male work of art we affectionately refer to as 'Booty'. Don't worry, I haven't kept silent on this, I have verbalized this thought first-hand to members of the male persuasion who are football players. No Butts about it, they always enjoy the compliment.

So I will share with you, the "10 Sexiest Butts in the NFL"

(This is not necessarily my opinion, I have seen some that I would have chosen, but I think it's personal opinion, so keep that in mind, these are not chosen by me, but more widely-selected by the general public on average).

Enjoy!!!



I don't blame them for patting each other on the ass, seriously!! lol

A Post for BBC

So now you harrass me if I don't post daily? Ok I figured you would.  Yes I am going to post but I am tired and havent had anything worth noting so far this week.

Work has been busy, and I am having some issues and personal business to finalize.

I'm right here... I will do my best to post more even if it is just trivial... how bout that?

Daily posting... wow, my minions are so demanding.

Sunday Sigh

When life gets to be too many words to express, your heart is too full, but you are certain that the light at the end of the tunnel is merely another train, that's when I just kick back and let music work its magic.

Well ladies...

Hump Back

Ah, yes… that wonderful day of days we affectionately call "Hump Day". I can't really think of much to detail today, except that Memphis drivers are worse by the day, and I really do want to write something more about that on another post, but I think it should be when I am still 'heated' from having just been in a hellish commute. I love to hate Memphis drivers… you would understand if you lived here. I know there are horrible, mean and ridiculously stupid drivers in many states, cities, countries, etc., but I do nominate the esteemed f'tards that drive in my fair city as #1.

 So, I started listening to the audiobook for "The Help" again the other day. For some reason, I can listen to that over and over, and never get tired of the story. Great book, if anyone hasn't read it. Let's see… how about a quick Hump Day Joke?? Hmmm (scratches head) OK--Here goes:

A wife and a husband decided they needed to use a "code word" for sex when the children were within earshot. The code word they decided on was "typewriter".

One day, the husband said to his daughter, "Honey, please go tell your mother that Daddy wants to type a letter."

The daughter told her mother, who replied, "Tell Daddy he can't type a letter today. There's a red ribbon in the typewriter."

A few days later, the mother said to her daughter, "You can tell Daddy the typewriter is fixed now and he can type his letter."

A few minutes later, the daughter came back and said, "Daddy says he doesn't need to type a letter now... he already wrote it by hand!"

Kinda cute, eh? Don't bitch-it's all you're getting (that's what she said).

Anyways, nothing all that exciting in the land of lunatics today, just feel like taking a nap, or a bubble bath, or both. I need to go get a haircut and a pedicure, do a little something for "Me" & take a break from saving the universe, just long enough to catch my breath…

So there you go...

Wrappin it up… Just Me, Jax

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

I just felt like a quick laugh for today, and I ran across the following, "Best of the Worst Country Song Titles Ever". I've heard a few of these, but good for a giggle… 

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
Do You Love As Good As You Look?
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye 
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight,(even if she had a chance to win)
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone who will
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Mama get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft;
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Ya' just GOTTA love Country, the titles anyway. Remember that old joke "What do you get when you play Country Music Backwards?: You get your car back, your dog, your wife and you quit drinking". HAHA!

The Sunday Evening Post

Just stepped out of one of my Epson Salt Baths (ESB), which have increased more in the last 3 weeks or so due to the Sciatic problem, I am sure you're tired of hearing about by now. It's actually having a few more "good days" now, than bad, so maybe I am on the mend. I have a mind to heal anyway, I'm ready!

Zipped down to Mom's today, she made spaghetti, and we napped, and I watched the Steelers take on the Ravens, and to be honest did not go in with much hope because of all of the issues we have had recently, and the direction my team has been going. Still, I was shocked, pleasantly to end the game in a 23-20 win, leaving my STEELER NATION with a 6-6 record thus far. Hey, I'll take it.

Yesterday, ran errands, got together with the Ex and his girlfriend and we had Indian food and went to the gun range for a bit of target practice.

Alas another weekend has seemingly flown by, kind of like the Ravens, and I am staring down the barrel of another long week.

Tis what 'Tis... and I Yam who I Yam...

.... which is, just me... Jax.

Pain in the Ass

Briefly, I just need to agonize about this horrible pain in my hip/leg region. I was doing okay for a little while, then I was forced to go and get into the car to get dog food.

I drove around a bit, then decided the simplest place to go would be Dollar General. Went in, limped around clutching the shopping cart, grabbed the dog food plus a couple other items, and headed up to the register. There were a couple people in front of me in line. I sourly thought to myself, 'If I wasn't in pain, I would be in and out in a flash'.

Checked out, finally, threw the stuff in the trunk, and opened the car door, and began the arduous task of getting into the driver's seat.

This time, when I wedged myself down slowly, holding the steering wheel for support, and sidled into the car, it was so excruciating I thought I was going to cry. I had to sit there for a few minutes, allowing the seat heat to warm, hoping for a bit of soothing relief.

It took several minutes of sitting there, cursing the gods and begging for relief before I was able to drive away and get back to the house, and then it was a struggle to drag all of my junk in, including the bag of dog food. I have two large dogs, so a smaller bag won't last me long, but it was all I could manage at a time.

Oh my God!! When is this pain going to end??? It is really destroying my flow.

Learning to Fly

"Your legs will get heavy and tired. Then comes a moment of feeling
 the wings you've grown, lifting." ~Rumi



I felt the need for a short burst of inspiration today, and when I'm down, Rumi always has a comforting or uplifting word. This post, however is a combination of Rumi and "Just Breathe" (a Facebook page I follow).

Sometimes we continue plodding along out of habit... doing things the way we always have... feeling stuck, heavy, tired. You are not the same person you were last year, or last week, or even yesterday. Each moment is an opportunity for you to make a different choice, to spread your wings and fly a different course.

For today, I remember that I am only stuck if I choose to be and that I have learned more than I realize. For today, I feel the wings I've grown... lifting. <3

Mo' Better Blues

Some days, all you can do is make it through, and say it with song… This song has been one of my favorites for days. The words just describe some emotions I have, and all I can say is we can control our actions and reactions, but we cannot control our hearts, they tend to know what they want, and they seem to have no mercy.  Anyways, this is to "You", who I will always love, no matter what.

I'll take the blues you give me rather than nothing.

 

I said: what about my eyes? 

God said: Keep them on the road. 

I said: what about my passion? 

God said: Keep it burning. 

I said: what about my heart? 

God said: Tell me what you hold inside it? 

I said: pain and sorrow? 

He said: ..stay with it. 

The wound is the place where the Light enters you.

 

and…
Only the soul knows what love is. ~Rumi

Tub of Pity

I'm trying the blogger app on my phone while I soak here in epson salt, feeling rather pitiful and wondering if I will ever walk without pain in my leg. I know it could be worse, and I know I just gave a big speech earlier about gratitude, but I want relief... I'm ready to be pain free again.

Then I started mulling over my disaster of a love life, my failed marriage, my poor choices, unrequited love, and wondered if I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am okay alone, but I prefer companionship... It can't be just any creep who takes a shine to me, I like what I like and can't help that.

I know I need to lose weight, but I am not obsessed with thinking I am bad, ugly, unworthy because I am a big girl, not like I used to be. Though I don't understand why it seems that I am always second, or lose out to someone that I perceive myself a better catch than... why not me? What did I do so wrong that I couldn't be "the one"? 

Then again, maybe I am better alone after all... that way I have nobody to disappoint except myself.

Overstuffed

Just for starters, yeah it's a "Monday", and as most people know, I am not a Monday girl…

Plus, as you know, everyone is so over Thanksgiving after they are finished being forced to give thanks, well, not forced, but "reminded" to be thankful for everything they do have that one time of year, when instead gratitude should be exercised all through the year, not just the one day we abuse the poor turkeys… but that's what America is founded on, right? Overindulgence, moving in on others' property and taking more than our share, then bitching as if we don't have enough to be thankful for. Rather than stay on that particular soapbox, I will just give a small overview of my holiday (some of this may come off like bitching, but I assure you it is not bitching, unless of course I am bitching then there may be some bitching in the post, but don't worry, those parts are sure to be "Bitchin!!" because I am 200% awesome… no matter what I am doing.

[switching to "third person"]

When we last saw our superhero, she was suffering from issues with the Sciatic nerve, which were being tended to by visits from the Chiropractor. These visits seemed to be helping somewhat, though she is still having to rely heavily on Naproxin, and having bouts of pain in the leg and hip. One might say that the Chiropractor isn't helping much, but our girl is trying to give that a chance. With increased activity, and the adjustments along with proper nutrition, Jax thinks this will knock itself out soon.

Meanwhile, she returned to her village to take time out from saving the world to celebrating Thanksgiving with the family. She made her arrival to her Mother's house on Wednesday night, where she helped prepare, and cooked some, finally contributing one hell of a "German Chocolate pound cake", which she made from scratch thanks to a dear friend's grandmother's recipe.

The holiday was significantly less crowded this year, Mother, all three sisters and one of the brother-in-laws were the only attendees. All the grandchildren, and their families made other, more titillating plans, and regretfully (i'm sure) missed out.

The food was okay, but not like their usual family meal, as Mom has lost all interest in going to much trouble. She ordered one of those made-to-order meals from the local grocery store. She has partly lost interest in most things because she has never really recovered well from losing Dad, and then just a couple months or so back, she was diagnosed with COPD, and has really just not felt up to a lot, and tries not to overdo it.

Ah really, who could blame her?

So, after spending the night, watching "Grease" with Mom, helping cook, clean and having a semi-relaxed dinner with the Sisters, Jax was relieved and surprised by the lack of political confrontation at said dinner. Everyone continued on through the extended weekend, which for Jax was relatively boring, taking pain meds, watching re-runs, and returning to hobble around trying to save the universe.

[switching back to first person]

So now it's back to a regular Monday morning, trying to get things done.

Today began as a rainy day here in the river city, so of course the commute in to work was pitiful as usual, as our infamous "Memphis Drivers" can best be described as "Instant moron, just add water."

Therefore, even though Thanksgiving is over, I am grateful… grateful that I made it in to work on the conveyor belt of idiots that IS our interstate system, and glad just to be… Me (even with all my baggage) Just Jax.



 Video of the week that I adored… so cute!! I love animals.

Sciatica's For "The Birds"

My back is a fickle asshole. I have had lower back issues off and on, yes they come and go, so I once found a chiropractor that I like, and I went. The visits to him helped, as well as staying active and strength training, and the whole 'Sh'bang'.

Well, life happened, routines fall apart as they will, my home situation fell apart, a lot of things happened, so I can only say it's my fault.

So recently, after some minor lower-back irritations, and some possibly bad stretches or contortions, I felt the pull move down into my left hip. This has devastated my comfort and happiness for about a week and a half now, and I have consulted with the good doctor once again, and he is working on the issue. I spent yesterday icing and begging the universe to miraculously make the pain disappear.

While I waited for them to flip the switch on my agony, I worked from home, as well tuned into the good ol' brain-eating television for some entertainment.

When I did, I ran across a movie called "The Girl" starring Sienna Miller as Tippi Hedren (mother of Melanie Griffith & a former Model and Actress), who apparently became the object of unrequited admiration, and allegedly dangerous and creepy obsession by "Hitch" (cinema great, the well-beloved Alfred Hitchcock, played by Toby Jones). The movie was an HBO original, I believe, and it was watchable, mostly because I became very interested in the storyline of this era, and what happened to Ms. Hedren.

As depicted in "The Girl" [see NY Times article in this regard Here], Hedren is the envy of every blonde starlet in Hollywood as she is hand-chosen by the Hitchcocks to play this lead role of 'The Birds', and this would be her very first film as an actress. The movie paints a dark and creepy picture of Hitchcock, as quite a Misogynist, who fancied himself "coaching" Tippi into a great actress utilizing techniques like telling her they would be using mechanical birds, props which would take one day of filming and instead placing her in danger strapped to live birds, for a five-day nightmare film session, wherein she was scratched up and injured, nearly getting clawed in the eye by one of the birds.

Though a mediocre film, at best, it still interested me enough to do a bit more reading about the cinematic pair, as well as a bit about both their lives separately. That in itself is interesting, and Hitchcock himself was quite the strange character. I guess when you look at some of the geniuses of filmmaking, classically they all have their idiosyncrasies and dark passengers. Otherwise, movies through the ages would have been quite bland.

Though I must get back to the task at hand, feel free to give "That Girl" a once over, maybe even go back and revisit some old Hitchcock favorites, I might do the same.

Meanwhile, send me some good vibes for healing this asshole pinched sciatic nerve.

It sucks!

Feels Like the First Time

So I am toying with this idea to begin a new blog. My old blog, which I love and will keep just seems to have stumped me, and I needed a new, fresh place to toss my ideas out there. I'm a random person, so sometimes I have a theme, sometimes I am eloquent, and sometimes I just feel like ranting.

Maybe with the new place, and new atmosphere, I can breathe and begin to enjoy writing again, maybe as with all things, what goes around comes around, and I can enjoy a brand new start.

After all, maybe there is a first time, and a second first time, or limitless first times for everything? Why not, it's all about perception.

Welcome to my world… I'm just Jax.